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Hi, Shane! I really love the topic of your storybook. Vishnu’s avatars have interested me for a very long time, and I’m so glad I get to learn about them in your storybook. The premise of your storybook seems very interesting. I love the hidden identity and discovery aspects of this story. It’s very reminiscent of superhero movies that I enjoy. I also find it interesting that you begin the story by addressing the reader, stating that “you are special.” I’m assuming that the reader will become a character in the storybook, perhaps as an avatar of Vishnu. If this is so, then that’s a very interesting and innovative technique!
While I was reading, I noticed that there are a few grammatical errors in your introduction, specifically in regards to tense. For instance, the first sentence should be “There have been,” rather than “has.” In addition, there is an uncapitalized “I” in the second paragraph, and “being a Indian,” should be changed to “an Indian.” In the eighth paragraph, Vishnu should say, “…to fulfill your destiny.”
Overall, I find your storybook to be incredibly unique. I look forward to reading more!
Shane, so far I am really enjoying your story! The introduction is very compelling, and I love the modern twist you are putting on the story! I especially love that it is almost a "spy" story. Young kid finds out he is son of Vishnu and has to go find all his siblings before the bad guys! Such an awesome concept. I also really enjoyed your layout and background. The classic white background with black text makes it very easy to read! Great job!
Cool cover page photo. I had a question about your home page though (I am not doing a storybook, so I am not sure if this is a requirement or not), but it looks blank when I click on the Home link. Are the cover page and home page supposed to be combined?
For your introduction, in the first paragraph I was a little confused with the portion that starts with ‘If you found this book…” and ends at “…stronger than most of the kids you grew up with.” You make it clear that Rama is the one speaking to the audience, but I am confused if the part I listed above is about Rama or is if Rama is telling me that I am special and stronger than most kids.
A quick fix: in your second paragraph, second sentence, there is an ‘i’ not capitalized.
The rest of the story is great! I love the modern day setting and the dialogue to help explain Rama’s start.
Hi Shane! I will tell you that traveling has been the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had. It is what keeps me going and motivates me each day to keep moving forward with my degree. I also hope to be able to visit every continent one day. That would be such a great experience!! Good luck with the rest of school and remember there is so much to explore after!! ☺
Hi Shane! I must say, your storybook is put together very well! I especially like the simplistic layout of your pages, and the image on your coverpage is eye catching along with being a great preface for your stories. This is am awesome take on Rama, and Vinshu's other avatars. The concept of reincarnation, and having multiple avatars, is something I am still trying to wrap my head around.
The way you have laid out your text, with the lines separated, makes reading the stories much easier. You did a great job with the dialouge, and I didn't get confused on who's speaking at any one time. The traveling done by Rama adds an element of excitement of the tale. You did a great job in describing the battle between Rama, Mohini, and the Dandaka. You made it a more realistic experience in considering conditions of modern day. I like how you added that Rama needed Mohini's help since he was younger and less experienced. In the Ramayana, Rama is described to be this all powerful being, but you added in some twists, which allows the other avatars to contribute as well. You are doing an exceent job so far!
Hey Shane, Your Portfolio was really enjoyable to look at and I really like the very first picture I saw under Vishnu’s Avatars. Your Portfolio was easy to read with the color scheme and I liked how the font was easy to read as well. I read the Story Introduction- Meeting Myself? I thought that it was cleaver how you introduced Rama. When I was reading I could only imagine that Rama was so confused when he was coming home from school and his parents were acting quite strange. However, then when they started talking he knew why they were acting the way they were. I think every parent wants their kid to have a normal life and Rama’s parents too wanted him to have a normal life but they knew that he wasn’t going to because was in fact special. Rama was definitely stronger and faster than everyone growing up, and he finally realized he was the avatar of Vishnu. I really enjoyed your story. I can’t wait to read more!
Hey Shane, Your portfolio is really good. I want to start off by commenting on the image on the main page of the avatars. That goes perfectly with the whole theme and the whole story that you're trying to convey. The font was easy to read and nice and simple, which is good. I also like the colors of your theme. Aside from that, your introduction was perfect! It really captured my attention and I liked how you put it in the perspective of Rama. It was smart how you started it off with Rama needing to find the rest of his avatars, making it the perfect way to continue on with other posts on your website. The only thing I would say is perhaps make a more captivating title because your idea and theme is all wonderful but I feel a better title might attract people more. Overall, great job!
Hi Shane, I really enjoyed your modern twist in your story about "Rama and the Legions of Doom." However, I noticed a few spelling mistakes that I felt like if you could spend a little time reading it to yourself out loud the mistakes would be corrected easily. Overall, I like the creativity of the story. By putting it in a modern scenery made it easier for me to relate to the "bad guys." Your image gave me a great visual. I think you did an awesome job finding it to incorporate into your storybook. Your author's note was very explanatory. Any questions the readers had were easily answer once reading it. One grammar suggestion I would like to make is that when you are using a lot of instances of communication between characters dialogues help make things more clear instead of just telling us what someone said to the character. Also, punctuation uses in dialogue really help to clarify who is speaking and what is going on. However, I liked how you have a lot of paragraph breaks. It makes it really easy on the eye to read and stay focused. Great job!
I love your cover page image of all of Vishnu's avatars. I find them all fascinating and plan to research the background stories of each one when I have more free time.
The introduction to your storybook was great! I was a little confused at first while reading the first paragraph, but the rest of the story flowed very well. I did not notice many grammatical or spelling errors, however, in small paragraph towards the end of the story where Vishnu is speaking, you wrote: "the time has come for you to fulfill you destiny." --I think reading the story out loud would help you to catch little errors like writing "you destiny" instead of "your destiny." The image for the introduction was perfect.
Your first story, Rama and the Legion of Doom was very creative! I like how you incorporated little details from the original epic, such as Shiva's bow. I wish there was a little more background on the avatar Mohini, but I suppose it sort of leaves her with an element of mystery by not revealing too much about her in this story.This story contained a few more errors than the introduction, but again, I think reading the story out loud will help you to identify many of them. The paragraphs are well spaced and it is easy for the reader to follow the story. Good job!
I love the cover page image! It is perfect for your storybook theme and the style and colors are beautiful.
In the Introduction, Rama mentioning all the chaos in the world and that something is terribly wrong, as many people today suspect, makes for a great hook in addition to his note that whoever is reading the text is special. This made me think of indigo children/rainbow children/crystal children.
I noticed in the last paragraph of the introduction you switched briefly to present tense when the rest is in past tense. It would flow much better with the entire thing in one tense.
Your introduction leads into the first story very nicely--this is the first storybook I've looked at so far that transitions so seamlessly between intro and story.
"What I had original saw as a helmet"--I think you meant "originally seen". And at the end of that same paragraph, "mouth" should be "mouths".
In the last paragraph in which Agastya is speaking, you put "carebull" instead of "careful".
I enjoyed your use of descriptions throughout, and the idea of avatars realizing who they are and meeting up to destroy evil. I am utterly fascinated with Vishnu's avatars, and plan to study them further after this class, so I am interested in reading more of you your storybook as it progresses!
I really liked the layout of your page and it really fit the whole Rama theme. The introduction was very interesting and you did a great job of showing some chaos in order to compel readers to keep reading your story! I thought the introduction was the best part of it because it really described the character of Rama and how he was born. Your theme of Rama and the avatars was really interesting and it seemed as if you put a lot of work into the project.
The transition was smooth and you added a lot of details in your second story. The cover page of the Vishnu's avatars was really cool. I also liked how you added the city of London into the story giving it somewhat a modern twist to it. I would say to add more details of Mohini. I felt like you didn't write a lot about Mohini and it would be interesting if you could give us more details. It is also pretty cool that you incorporated the purpose of the avatars and that was to destroy evil. They all worked together and I am excited to see what other stories you might add to your storybook! Your probably need to fix up some grammar issues tho. The last paragraph had some present and past tense mixed up and it would be better if you stick with one tense. I have the same problem as well. I always get my past and present tense mixed up with each other. It's a great grammatical flaw of mine. Overall, I think you did a great job on your storybook! I liked your layout and pictures. Keep up the good work!
Hey Shane! First off, I thought the theme and idea you have for your storybook is brilliant! I like how you took the idea of Vishnu’s avatars and put it into a present day setting. I was instantly hooked when I started reading because the idea of your storybook has a lot of potential. I can’t wait to read the finished product! I found the layout and organization of your storybook to be very simple and easy to navigate. The title also fits really well with what you’re trying to accomplish. The picture you have of Vishnu’s avatars is also perfect because it goes hand in hand with your theme. I didn’t really find any grammatical or punctuation errors but it does seem like you’ve gone back and fixed everything that other people pointed out, so good job on doing that! Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook and I can’t wait to finish reading it whenever you’re done. Good luck!
Hey Shane! I just wanted to comment on your blog layout and design. I love the clouds and light blue color. It's very subtle but it also has a calming, dream-like look that makes it easy to read your text and also feel calm while reading through it all. It also really makes me want to go travel somewhere!
I really enjoyed your storybook! The idea of Vishnu’s avatars being put in a present day setting is a refreshing twist! Your stories really drew me in from the beginning. It left me wanting more! The layout you chose is clean, simple and easy to navigate. The light yellow is calming and makes the text super easy to read. If I remember correctly there will be one more story added to this? If so I hope I remember to come back and ready it because the style of writing you chose is on point! Simple wording and dialog are great for the length of the stories. Also, the background photo you chose for your comment wall is gorgeous. There is something super relaxing about photos from above the clouds. It makes me want to hop in a plan and head out on a vacation…I WISH! Best of luck on the rest of your storybook and the semester!
Hey Shane, I thought that was a clever idea to start your story in a plane. I also liked your descriptive you were when you described the Coliseum. I could see a huge Coliseum in my imagination when I was reading your story. I also thought it was pretty funny when you commented on the not making comments about height. I think that making humor in stories is refreshing and really adds a lot to stories. My absolute favorite part of the story was when you were expressing that you felt that someone was watching the individuals. When I read that I got a sense of eeriness like someone was actually watching me as I was reading the story. It’s crazy how stories can become so real whenever there is such great description and detail. Overall, I really enjoyed this story. It was very descriptive and was very easy to read.
Hello Shane, I just wanted to let you know that I think that you have one of the best blog webpages. To start with, I think that your background is the most unique and cool. Growing up as an air force brat, the picture of the plane and the sky reminds me of flying on planes my whole life. I also like the widgets you chose for your page.
Hi Shane. I read Rama and the Legion of Doom. I really liked how you chose to tell your story. Rama being a regular kid in Montana was an interesting take on the story. I think it was really interesting that Rama actually teamed up with another of Vishnu’s avatars. I thought it was a great idea to describe the Rakshasa as common thugs. How cool that only the avatars could see what they really were. You were also very descriptive when telling the reader about the Rakshasa’s true form. I like the idea of traveling around to famous places across the globe throughout your story. I feel like you set up your next story very well with the final paragraph of this story. The reader already has an idea of what to expect next. You did a really great job on this story and I look forward to reading the next one.
I love how you incorporated The Ramayana into your first story! How creative and realistic to have Rama read about his new role as Vishnu’s avatar. As I kept reading, it felt as if I was in an action movie! I loved that Rama is obviously new to these adventures and he has found what seems to be a mentor in Mohini. It is also super awesome how you have merged modern day with the characters in the epics. It reminds me of the t.v. show Grimm, where the main character can see who people truly are while the rest of society has no idea these monsters (and heroes) surround them.
Your author’s note is very helpful. One recommendation I have is to create sections for it. I usually have my summary as one section and why I chose the story/did what I did as another section.
Really awesome story! Probably my favorite yet that I have read of yours.
Shane, I was excited to get the chance to see how far your Storybook has come! I remember when I first read it how awesome the theme was! You placed Rama in a modern day plot, and his journey started in Montana of all places! I continued on with your stories "Now Fighting: The Avatars vs. King Mahabali" and "A Battle On Top the Sphinx's Head". Both of these stories were great! You have really been able to put your own creative twists on them, and Rama's journey to fulfill his prophecy is getting more dangerous. I like how he is trying to find all the Vishnu's in order to help him fight off evil. It adds another level of suspense to your Storybook. Each of your stories really leads into the next one which makes them even easier to read! I also really like the human elements you add to the stories, such as giving the avatars normal backgrounds. It helps to place the story in modern times. Good job! Can't wait to read more!
Hey again Shane! I’m glad I got to come back and visit your storybook to see how far you have progressed with your brilliant idea. I really enjoyed the second story of yours that you added, “Now Fighting: The Avatars vs. King Mahabali. I really like the layout of your storybook and the background of it is pretty awesome. It seems fairly easy to navigate so good job in making it simple. You are definitely a very creative person and I think your portfolio is one of my favorites of this class. I also like the transition from one story to another in your storybook because it is smooth and makes sense. The layout and font of your website makes it even more enjoyable to read because it is eye catching. Your word choice was great and that really added to the tone of the story and helped me imagine everything that you were describing.
Hello Shane! Nice to meet you! your storybook looks great! I love the simplicity of your storybook site. It is my first time visiting, but I enjoyed reading your introduction and the story. I like how your introduction was simple and entertaining. The picture of Rama was so cute too!
Your story was full of action and stories. I like how you kept majority of the stories like how it was. I read the story called Rama and the Legion of doom - Rama and the other avatars. I think it was a good idea to write your story in first person because it reduces the characters which appears in the story. Also, the story sounds more personal.
There weren't much grammatical errors and your sentence structure was great! I enjoyed reading your author's note because you did an awesome job explaining what you kept and the changes you made. By the way, I love the layout of the blog :)
I can’t believe it’s the last week of classes and this is the first time I have looked at or read your storybook! It was great! You did a great job of drawing people into the story from the very beginning telling us that it’s good that we found the book. I like how you wrote this from Rama’s point of view.
You did a good job of making us see how confused Rama was to be an avatar of Vishnu, but he easily accepted it because he knew that he was different from the other kids in his class. I like how you also made it so his mom tried to avoid this future for him, but in the end she couldn’t escape his future.
I like how you took this story and modernized it somewhat. You made it in present day and I think the idea of Rama on a plane is somewhat interesting. You did a great job with your Storybook! No wonder it’s in the favorites list.
Hi, Shane! I really love the topic of your storybook. Vishnu’s avatars have interested me for a very long time, and I’m so glad I get to learn about them in your storybook. The premise of your storybook seems very interesting. I love the hidden identity and discovery aspects of this story. It’s very reminiscent of superhero movies that I enjoy. I also find it interesting that you begin the story by addressing the reader, stating that “you are special.” I’m assuming that the reader will become a character in the storybook, perhaps as an avatar of Vishnu. If this is so, then that’s a very interesting and innovative technique!
ReplyDeleteWhile I was reading, I noticed that there are a few grammatical errors in your introduction, specifically in regards to tense. For instance, the first sentence should be “There have been,” rather than “has.” In addition, there is an uncapitalized “I” in the second paragraph, and “being a Indian,” should be changed to “an Indian.” In the eighth paragraph, Vishnu should say, “…to fulfill your destiny.”
Overall, I find your storybook to be incredibly unique. I look forward to reading more!
Shane, so far I am really enjoying your story! The introduction is very compelling, and I love the modern twist you are putting on the story! I especially love that it is almost a "spy" story. Young kid finds out he is son of Vishnu and has to go find all his siblings before the bad guys! Such an awesome concept. I also really enjoyed your layout and background. The classic white background with black text makes it very easy to read! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Shane!
ReplyDeleteCool cover page photo. I had a question about your home page though (I am not doing a storybook, so I am not sure if this is a requirement or not), but it looks blank when I click on the Home link. Are the cover page and home page supposed to be combined?
For your introduction, in the first paragraph I was a little confused with the portion that starts with ‘If you found this book…” and ends at “…stronger than most of the kids you grew up with.” You make it clear that Rama is the one speaking to the audience, but I am confused if the part I listed above is about Rama or is if Rama is telling me that I am special and stronger than most kids.
A quick fix: in your second paragraph, second sentence, there is an ‘i’ not capitalized.
The rest of the story is great! I love the modern day setting and the dialogue to help explain Rama’s start.
Hi Shane! I will tell you that traveling has been the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had. It is what keeps me going and motivates me each day to keep moving forward with my degree. I also hope to be able to visit every continent one day. That would be such a great experience!! Good luck with the rest of school and remember there is so much to explore after!! ☺
ReplyDeleteHi Shane! I must say, your storybook is put together very well! I especially like the simplistic layout of your pages, and the image on your coverpage is eye catching along with being a great preface for your stories. This is am awesome take on Rama, and Vinshu's other avatars. The concept of reincarnation, and having multiple avatars, is something I am still trying to wrap my head around.
ReplyDeleteThe way you have laid out your text, with the lines separated, makes reading the stories much easier. You did a great job with the dialouge, and I didn't get confused on who's speaking at any one time. The traveling done by Rama adds an element of excitement of the tale. You did a great job in describing the battle between Rama, Mohini, and the Dandaka. You made it a more realistic experience in considering conditions of modern day. I like how you added that Rama needed Mohini's help since he was younger and less experienced. In the Ramayana, Rama is described to be this all powerful being, but you added in some twists, which allows the other avatars to contribute as well. You are doing an exceent job so far!
ReplyDeleteHey Shane,
Your Portfolio was really enjoyable to look at and I really like the very first picture I saw under Vishnu’s Avatars. Your Portfolio was easy to read with the color scheme and I liked how the font was easy to read as well. I read the Story Introduction- Meeting Myself? I thought that it was cleaver how you introduced Rama. When I was reading I could only imagine that Rama was so confused when he was coming home from school and his parents were acting quite strange. However, then when they started talking he knew why they were acting the way they were. I think every parent wants their kid to have a normal life and Rama’s parents too wanted him to have a normal life but they knew that he wasn’t going to because was in fact special. Rama was definitely stronger and faster than everyone growing up, and he finally realized he was the avatar of Vishnu. I really enjoyed your story. I can’t wait to read more!
Hey Shane,
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio is really good. I want to start off by commenting on the image on the main page of the avatars. That goes perfectly with the whole theme and the whole story that you're trying to convey. The font was easy to read and nice and simple, which is good. I also like the colors of your theme.
Aside from that, your introduction was perfect! It really captured my attention and I liked how you put it in the perspective of Rama. It was smart how you started it off with Rama needing to find the rest of his avatars, making it the perfect way to continue on with other posts on your website.
The only thing I would say is perhaps make a more captivating title because your idea and theme is all wonderful but I feel a better title might attract people more.
Overall, great job!
Hi Shane,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your modern twist in your story about "Rama and the Legions of Doom." However, I noticed a few spelling mistakes that I felt like if you could spend a little time reading it to yourself out loud the mistakes would be corrected easily. Overall, I like the creativity of the story. By putting it in a modern scenery made it easier for me to relate to the "bad guys." Your image gave me a great visual. I think you did an awesome job finding it to incorporate into your storybook. Your author's note was very explanatory. Any questions the readers had were easily answer once reading it. One grammar suggestion I would like to make is that when you are using a lot of instances of communication between characters dialogues help make things more clear instead of just telling us what someone said to the character. Also, punctuation uses in dialogue really help to clarify who is speaking and what is going on. However, I liked how you have a lot of paragraph breaks. It makes it really easy on the eye to read and stay focused. Great job!
Hi Shane!
ReplyDeleteI love your cover page image of all of Vishnu's avatars. I find them all fascinating and plan to research the background stories of each one when I have more free time.
The introduction to your storybook was great! I was a little confused at first while reading the first paragraph, but the rest of the story flowed very well. I did not notice many grammatical or spelling errors, however, in small paragraph towards the end of the story where Vishnu is speaking, you wrote: "the time has come for you to fulfill you destiny." --I think reading the story out loud would help you to catch little errors like writing "you destiny" instead of "your destiny." The image for the introduction was perfect.
Your first story, Rama and the Legion of Doom was very creative! I like how you incorporated little details from the original epic, such as Shiva's bow. I wish there was a little more background on the avatar Mohini, but I suppose it sort of leaves her with an element of mystery by not revealing too much about her in this story.This story contained a few more errors than the introduction, but again, I think reading the story out loud will help you to identify many of them. The paragraphs are well spaced and it is easy for the reader to follow the story. Good job!
I love the cover page image! It is perfect for your storybook theme and the style and colors are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIn the Introduction, Rama mentioning all the chaos in the world and that something is terribly wrong, as many people today suspect, makes for a great hook in addition to his note that whoever is reading the text is special. This made me think of indigo children/rainbow children/crystal children.
I noticed in the last paragraph of the introduction you switched briefly to present tense when the rest is in past tense. It would flow much better with the entire thing in one tense.
Your introduction leads into the first story very nicely--this is the first storybook I've looked at so far that transitions so seamlessly between intro and story.
"What I had original saw as a helmet"--I think you meant "originally seen". And at the end of that same paragraph, "mouth" should be "mouths".
In the last paragraph in which Agastya is speaking, you put "carebull" instead of "careful".
I enjoyed your use of descriptions throughout, and the idea of avatars realizing who they are and meeting up to destroy evil. I am utterly fascinated with Vishnu's avatars, and plan to study them further after this class, so I am interested in reading more of you your storybook as it progresses!
Hey Shane!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the layout of your page and it really fit the whole Rama theme. The introduction was very interesting and you did a great job of showing some chaos in order to compel readers to keep reading your story! I thought the introduction was the best part of it because it really described the character of Rama and how he was born. Your theme of Rama and the avatars was really interesting and it seemed as if you put a lot of work into the project.
The transition was smooth and you added a lot of details in your second story. The cover page of the Vishnu's avatars was really cool. I also liked how you added the city of London into the story giving it somewhat a modern twist to it. I would say to add more details of Mohini. I felt like you didn't write a lot about Mohini and it would be interesting if you could give us more details. It is also pretty cool that you incorporated the purpose of the avatars and that was to destroy evil. They all worked together and I am excited to see what other stories you might add to your storybook! Your probably need to fix up some grammar issues tho. The last paragraph had some present and past tense mixed up and it would be better if you stick with one tense. I have the same problem as well. I always get my past and present tense mixed up with each other. It's a great grammatical flaw of mine. Overall, I think you did a great job on your storybook! I liked your layout and pictures. Keep up the good work!
Hey Shane! First off, I thought the theme and idea you have for your storybook is brilliant! I like how you took the idea of Vishnu’s avatars and put it into a present day setting. I was instantly hooked when I started reading because the idea of your storybook has a lot of potential. I can’t wait to read the finished product!
ReplyDeleteI found the layout and organization of your storybook to be very simple and easy to navigate. The title also fits really well with what you’re trying to accomplish. The picture you have of Vishnu’s avatars is also perfect because it goes hand in hand with your theme. I didn’t really find any grammatical or punctuation errors but it does seem like you’ve gone back and fixed everything that other people pointed out, so good job on doing that! Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook and I can’t wait to finish reading it whenever you’re done. Good luck!
Hey Shane! I just wanted to comment on your blog layout and design. I love the clouds and light blue color. It's very subtle but it also has a calming, dream-like look that makes it easy to read your text and also feel calm while reading through it all. It also really makes me want to go travel somewhere!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook! The idea of Vishnu’s avatars being put in a present day setting is a refreshing twist! Your stories really drew me in from the beginning. It left me wanting more! The layout you chose is clean, simple and easy to navigate. The light yellow is calming and makes the text super easy to read. If I remember correctly there will be one more story added to this? If so I hope I remember to come back and ready it because the style of writing you chose is on point! Simple wording and dialog are great for the length of the stories. Also, the background photo you chose for your comment wall is gorgeous. There is something super relaxing about photos from above the clouds. It makes me want to hop in a plan and head out on a vacation…I WISH! Best of luck on the rest of your storybook and the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Shane,
ReplyDeleteI thought that was a clever idea to start your story in a plane. I also liked your descriptive you were when you described the Coliseum. I could see a huge Coliseum in my imagination when I was reading your story. I also thought it was pretty funny when you commented on the not making comments about height. I think that making humor in stories is refreshing and really adds a lot to stories. My absolute favorite part of the story was when you were expressing that you felt that someone was watching the individuals. When I read that I got a sense of eeriness like someone was actually watching me as I was reading the story. It’s crazy how stories can become so real whenever there is such great description and detail. Overall, I really enjoyed this story. It was very descriptive and was very easy to read.
Hello Shane, I just wanted to let you know that I think that you have one of the best blog webpages. To start with, I think that your background is the most unique and cool. Growing up as an air force brat, the picture of the plane and the sky reminds me of flying on planes my whole life. I also like the widgets you chose for your page.
ReplyDeleteHi Shane.
ReplyDeleteI read Rama and the Legion of Doom. I really liked how you chose to tell your story. Rama being a regular kid in Montana was an interesting take on the story. I think it was really interesting that Rama actually teamed up with another of Vishnu’s avatars. I thought it was a great idea to describe the Rakshasa as common thugs. How cool that only the avatars could see what they really were. You were also very descriptive when telling the reader about the Rakshasa’s true form. I like the idea of traveling around to famous places across the globe throughout your story. I feel like you set up your next story very well with the final paragraph of this story. The reader already has an idea of what to expect next. You did a really great job on this story and I look forward to reading the next one.
Shane,
ReplyDeleteI love how you incorporated The Ramayana into your first story! How creative and realistic to have Rama read about his new role as Vishnu’s avatar. As I kept reading, it felt as if I was in an action movie! I loved that Rama is obviously new to these adventures and he has found what seems to be a mentor in Mohini. It is also super awesome how you have merged modern day with the characters in the epics. It reminds me of the t.v. show Grimm, where the main character can see who people truly are while the rest of society has no idea these monsters (and heroes) surround them.
Your author’s note is very helpful. One recommendation I have is to create sections for it. I usually have my summary as one section and why I chose the story/did what I did as another section.
Really awesome story! Probably my favorite yet that I have read of yours.
Shane,
ReplyDeleteI was excited to get the chance to see how far your Storybook has come! I remember when I first read it how awesome the theme was! You placed Rama in a modern day plot, and his journey started in Montana of all places! I continued on with your stories "Now Fighting: The Avatars vs. King Mahabali" and "A Battle On Top the Sphinx's Head". Both of these stories were great! You have really been able to put your own creative twists on them, and Rama's journey to fulfill his prophecy is getting more dangerous. I like how he is trying to find all the Vishnu's in order to help him fight off evil. It adds another level of suspense to your Storybook. Each of your stories really leads into the next one which makes them even easier to read! I also really like the human elements you add to the stories, such as giving the avatars normal backgrounds. It helps to place the story in modern times. Good job! Can't wait to read more!
Hey again Shane!
ReplyDeleteI’m glad I got to come back and visit your storybook to see how far you have progressed with your brilliant idea. I really enjoyed the second story of yours that you added, “Now Fighting: The Avatars vs. King Mahabali. I really like the layout of your storybook and the background of it is pretty awesome. It seems fairly easy to navigate so good job in making it simple.
You are definitely a very creative person and I think your portfolio is one of my favorites of this class. I also like the transition from one story to another in your storybook because it is smooth and makes sense. The layout and font of your website makes it even more enjoyable to read because it is eye catching. Your word choice was great and that really added to the tone of the story and helped me imagine everything that you were describing.
Hello Shane! Nice to meet you! your storybook looks great! I love the simplicity of your storybook site. It is my first time visiting, but I enjoyed reading your introduction and the story. I like how your introduction was simple and entertaining. The picture of Rama was so cute too!
ReplyDeleteYour story was full of action and stories. I like how you kept majority of the stories like how it was. I read the story called Rama and the Legion of doom - Rama and the other avatars. I think it was a good idea to write your story in first person because it reduces the characters which appears in the story. Also, the story sounds more personal.
There weren't much grammatical errors and your sentence structure was great! I enjoyed reading your author's note because you did an awesome job explaining what you kept and the changes you made. By the way, I love the layout of the blog :)
I can’t believe it’s the last week of classes and this is the first time I have looked at or read your storybook! It was great! You did a great job of drawing people into the story from the very beginning telling us that it’s good that we found the book. I like how you wrote this from Rama’s point of view.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job of making us see how confused Rama was to be an avatar of Vishnu, but he easily accepted it because he knew that he was different from the other kids in his class. I like how you also made it so his mom tried to avoid this future for him, but in the end she couldn’t escape his future.
I like how you took this story and modernized it somewhat. You made it in present day and I think the idea of Rama on a plane is somewhat interesting. You did a great job with your Storybook! No wonder it’s in the favorites list.